Autism and Bullying: Making the Connection

Autism and Bullying:  Making the Connection

April is recognized as Autism Awareness Month.  In many cities across the nation, buildings are adorned with blue lights brightly shining to bring attention to the issue.  Autism is a brain disorder that ranges from mild to severe.  Individuals also have a wide range of abilities and challenges because of the disorder.  Some children are highly skilled in math and reasoning abilities but have social or emotional limitations. Signs of autism generally start to surface between the ages of 18 months to 2 years old. Autistic children typically tend to avoid eye contact, and physical contact such as touching, and have limited verbal skills.  Children with autism might face continued challenges developing communication and social skills. Ultimately, these challenges can make fitting in at school difficult.

Bullying is repeated physical or verbal intimidation that continues over time.  Bullying behavior also includes making threats, isolating or intentionally excluding a person from a group.  Autism and bullying might be linked because of the exclusion and isolation that exists as a result a child’s limited social skills.  Children with limited social skills sometimes draw negative attention and become a new target for a bully. It is important that we continue making the connection between autism and bullying as well as other mental or physical challenges that lead to a bully’s intimidation. 

The Bully Blockers: Standing Up for Classmates with AutismAsperger Syndrome and Bullying: Strategies and Solutions

& 

Asperger’s Syndrome is a disorder that falls within the spectrum of Autism.  Although children with Asperger syndrome often possess superior academic or artistic abilities, they can become the brunt of jokes, teasing, and bullying waged by classmates or peers.  Parents, teachers and classmates must work together to ensure that all children feel included and accepted in their school community. Students diagnosed with Autism and Asperger’s may qualify for special education services including the implementation of an Individual Education Plan or IEP.  Parents, teachers, and other school officials need to possess current knowledge that enables understanding and making a possible connection between autism and bullying.

Every individual is uniquely talented in different ways and should be valued as such.  Research points to the fact that special needs students, including physically and developmentally challenged students are often bullied.   School rules, regulations, and laws outline formalized policies against bullying or harassment and school personnel must work diligently to ensure a safe environment for all students.    School officials and parents must stay abreast of research and information to understand the intricacies of autism and bullying. 

I encourage you to review the website www.stopbullying.gov  for additional information on legislation in your particular state.  Let us give support to students striving to fit into a world that does not readily make allowances for differences.  Take a stand against bullying and use your voice for individuals who are sometimes unable to speak on their own behalf. 

Positive Group Dynamics: No Cliques Allowed

Positive Group Dynamics:  No Cliques Allowed

Social Injustice anti-bullying posts are created to educate and encourage.   It is very important to make everyone who is a part of the group feel valued and respected. I will admit that can be a challenging undertaking even for the most open- minded person.  I bet most of us can think of an individual who has difficulty getting along with others no matter what type of concessions he or she receives.    Forming positive group dynamics requires intentional, inclusive behaviors and positive actions.  There are many theories and terms related to how and why people interact the way they do.  Social identity is an important term to understand related to positive group dynamics.   

Think of the different type of groups that you might join or you have joined.  These groups include friends, co-workers, church groups, and community or civic groups and chances are you have a strong social identity with these various organization.   This membership provides you with a social connection to people and a positive identity.  Membership in various groups often creates close bonds and connections, work cooperatively to promote goals, ideas or beliefs, and yes, sometimes generate conflict. 

It is important to teach children and adolescents about group dynamics. There are times when adults need a reminder about how to display positive group dynamics and work collaboratively without excessive conflict or strife.   Group interactions can be simply described to children as “how the people in the group work and get along with each other”.    A Google search defined group dynamics as the processes involved when people in a group interact with each other, or the study of these.  I might add that group dynamics is the basic description of how people get along with each other in the group and their ability to work together to accomplish group tasks and goals.

There are leaders, followers, encouragers and detractors who emerge in almost any group activity.  Successful group interactions can lead to the formation of trusting bonds and close relationships.  In order to maintain positive group dynamics, it is important to use open, respectful communication among members.  Everyone’s opinion and ideas are valuable.  Each group member has the right to have a voice related to group decisions.  Inclusion is an important behavior to display when working in groups.  Without inclusive behavior, group dynamics can become stressful, contentious, and argumentative for both children and adults.

 Social exclusion and isolation are characteristics of cliques and bullying behavior.  The term, clique conjures negative meaning even if you are considered a part of the “in-crowd”.   Cliques exclude, insult, and sort out individual not deemed good enough to belong.  Cliques do not just happen in school and may actually be a result of school structures associated with success and achievement.  Adults can even fall victim to cliques and belong to them.   These are closing ideas that promote inclusion.

Kindness trumps Cliques; Compliments are more filling than Insults; and including everyone is a better option than excluding anyone.  These choices create a win-win feeling for all!

Girl Power: Find Your Strengths and Excel

 

Girl Power: Find Your Strengths and Excel

Physical appearance is often a source of anxiety and stress, for both females and males. People are so much more than their outward physical appearance.  This is a reminder to individuals of all ages to develop your personal strengths and inner beauty by forming positive relationships. Work diligently to achieve your dreams and goals.   Many young girls, tweens, and teens face relentless verbal harassment and bullying related to their appearance.   Increasingly and at a younger and younger age, girls begin to fret over their appearance, weight or other physical attributes.  Instead of worrying about appearances, I would challenge all youth struggling to find their calling to (carpe diem) or seize the day.  Perhaps a teacher, parent, or mentor will make a suggestion or give you the nod that helps you move forward toward success.

March is designated as Women’s History Month.  This observance provides a great opportunity to look at some of the outstanding accomplishments of successful females.  Since 2016 is a year of political debates and potential appointments, it is only fitting to recognize a very exclusive group of accomplished female leaders. Although a woman has not served as president of our country, there have been three extremely qualified females appointed to serve as Secretary of State. Madeleine Korbel Albright, Condoleezza Rice, and Hillary Rodham Clinton epitomize intelligent women of strength and determination who have been appointed as Secretary of State.  Coincidentally, Dr. Albright’s father was a teacher and important mentor to Dr. Rice.  These women understood their potential and worked hard to fulfill goals and dreams.   Even these gifted individuals faced challenges and struggles, as is inevitable in life.  They persevered to find their academic and professional talents, which ultimately allowed them to excel in a variety of situations.

It is also a good time to reflect on the challenges that girls and boys face from bullying, name-calling and physical or verbal harassment.   Surprisingly, popular celebrities have become outspoken advocates for individuals who face bullying.   Many celebrities have talked about their memory of unpleasant school experiences due to bullying.  Wildly funny and successful TV host Ellen DeGeneres admits that she was bullied as a child.  Ellen has also become a huge supporter of bullied victims and made online resources available to support them.  The list of stars who report being the victims of bullying is surprisingly lengthy and includes such celebrities as Justin Timberlake, Tyra Banks, Rihanna, Michael Phelps, and Miley Cyrus.

 There will be times when each of us feels like the odd man out. Many instances of female bullying involve social isolation or exclusion.   Everyone wants to be accepted and included in social groups.  Celebrate the power of girls with the inclusion and acceptance of different people and circumstances.   Chart your own course in history by discovering your special talents.  Find your strengths and excel!

Make a Friend... Bring An End to Bullying

Technically, February 11^th is “Make a Friend Day”, but in reality any day is a great day to make a new friend!  There is limited information on who had the friendly idea to create this celebration. However, the idea is a welcome relief from the isolation and loneliness that some individuals experience nearly every day of their existence without a core group of friends. Positive friendship groups can assist in putting an end to bullying.  Friends show kindness and support when negative remarks are made by reassuring the bullied child they are in their corner.  Children of all ages experience bullying on a daily basis.  Some children feel they do not have any friends or adults to turn to when they are bullied. Many students would rather miss a day from school than face the repeated intimidation and harassment that bullies.

I think that “Make a Friend Day” should be observed in schools across the nation complete with special fun-filled activities that emphasize the importance of friendship.  People of all ages can benefit from making new friends.  Instead of talking casually with your normal group of friends, try something different.   One way to make a friend is to spend time during your lunch talking with someone you do not know and is not your friend.  

 Reaching out to a schoolmate that you do not know can build bonds across different social and cultural groups.  Just imagine how exciting it would be for a bullied classmate to experience the kindness and joy of friendship.  Participating in a “Make a Friend Day” celebration can become the start of a regularly scheduled event.  Friends provide positive support to those who are bullied. Focusing on new friendships is a way to enable everyone to experience what it is like to fit in with the “popular” kids.  Friends value each other and give support during good times and bad.  Encourage all students to make new friends and bring an end to bullying. 

As children mature into adolescence and the teenage years, friends become increasingly important in their life. Adolescence is the time that children seek independence from parents and rely upon the opinions and approval of friends.  It is crucial for your child to form positive, trustworthy friendships that will support him during hard times and celebrate his success.   Parents should take time to know and understand their children’s friends. Forming positive friendships is a great way to bring an end to bullying. Why limit “Make a Friend Day” to only once a year?  Making new friends is a wonderful way to show kindness and courtesy and help bring about an end to bullying. 

Teaching Assertiveness to Children

Teaching Assertiveness to Children

Parents, students, and school officials acknowledge that many problems associated with bullying exist in schools. There is a great deal of information regarding the behaviors and characteristics of bullies.  It is very important that adults share strategies with kids, which enable them to respond confidently and effectively.    Bullies make shrewd decisions about whom they select to bully and feel comfortable selecting a vulnerable individual.  It is sometimes difficult to speak calmly and clearly when your emotions are running high. A highly excitable, angry response fuels the bully’s continuous verbal assault. It is important to maintain a level of composure when responding to intimidation and bullying. Teaching assertiveness to children is an effective strategy to help them respond to harassment, intimidation, or bullies. Assertive communication involves speaking calmly to get your point across.  You (the speaker) must own your opinions and comments and can do so by making “I” statements. For instance, if someone says to your child, “Your shoes are ugly!” an assertive response would be to say, “I don’t think so, I like my shoes”.

 Bullied individuals are identified as potential victims because of a perceived weakness or difference. The late psychologist Clay Tucker-Ladd describes unassertiveness as weak, compliant, passive, or self-sacrificing.  In the past, it was a customary expectation that children demonstrate a compliant, self-sacrificing, or passive behavior.  The behaviors emphasized characteristics that focused on the expectation to be nice, polite, or courteous. I am not suggesting that courtesy and politeness are not valuable attributes.   Rather, I am promoting the value of teaching assertiveness to children in order to combat the ill effects of bullying and harassment.  Assertive communication is a response which a person expresses his or her thoughts and feelings in a verbal, non-blaming, respectful way (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). Assertive communication allows the victim of bullying to respond with confidence and dignity. Learning to communicate assertively is a valuable skill set for children and individuals of all ages. 

Customs have greatly evolved over the past 50 years and the expectations for behaviors of both children and adults have changed.  As adults, we know that every child is different and there is the possibility that some individuals are naturally shy, quiet, or soft-spoken.  No one person has the same likes, strengths, or challenges.   It is somewhat tricky for parents to raise a kind, respectful child who is also able to take an assertive stand against a bully. Nonetheless, assertive training might be an effective strategy to help children and individuals of all ages to respond to bullying. Parents and other caring adults must reassure children that it is appropriate to stand up and express your opinion and feelings.  Teaching children assertiveness provides strategies to stop bullying and gives kids the social courage to stand up to the Bully.

Spiritual Mentoring Guidelines

 

Spiritual Mentoring Guidelines

Spiritual mentoring describes the actions of a seasoned individual who takes a less  experienced member of the church community under her wings.  Mentoring of this kind shows  an individual the way  and encourages others to take part in a ministry or mission.  We are reminded in (1 Peter 5:4) Be examples to the flock.  Mentoring provides spiritual training, growth, and development for both the mentor and mentee.  The example of spiritual mentoring was apparent in Jesus’ role as teacher and the disciples’ role as student learners.

 A primary component of spiritual mentoring guidelines is demonstrated through positive behaviors, which show actions of the Christian way.  Proverbs: 13:20 states, He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.  Mentors and mentees share knowledge, wisdom, and support for each other. Mentoring is the practical application of assisting someone to feel confident in his or her abilities to serve.  The words found in Ecclesiastes 4: 9 – 10 state: Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work.  If one falls down, his friend can help him up, but pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Spiritual Mentoring: A Guide for Seeking and Giving DirectionThe Heart of Mentoring: Developing People to Their Fullest Potential

  It is easy for most people to identify what's right or wrong and say the right thing.  However, it is more challenging to do what is right.  The mentee or student learns by observing behaviors, actions, words, and deeds.  The Apostle Paul described his leadership style in 1 Corinthian 11:1 by saying, Follow my example as I followed the example of Christ.  A basic definition of mentoring and a description of characteristics pertinent to spiritual mentoring guidelines have been discussed on this website: http://www.iamsignificant.ca/christian-life-coaching/what-is-a-spiritual-mentor/ . 

Spiritual mentoring guidelines include an emphasis on forming respectful relationships based on honesty, compassion, and confidentiality.  The mentor should act in a trustworthy, kind, and collegial manner toward his mentee. A Biblical connection for spiritual mentoring guidelines is found in 2 Timothy 2:2 and reads as follows: And the things which thou has heard from me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.

Another important aspect of spiritual mentoring guidelines is to include opportunities for the development of mentoring relationships across various ages, gender, and groups.  According to  encouraging words found in Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron: so a man sharpened the countenance of a friend. A Christian mentor provides guidance and committed leadership for active members and potential participants in church activities.    The Apostle Paul wrote to his protégé Timothy, and expressed the importance of generational bonds by saying, do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him. This example of  spiritual mentoring guidelines emphasizes generational bonds and builds ties among members of the church community.

 Developing ties across the ages strengthens connections within the church community at large. Initiating and maintaining ties with the old and the young creates respectful loving relationships.  Spiritual mentoring guidelines are woven throughout the Bible.  A reminder of the significance of spiritual mentoring guidelines is summarized in Philippians 4:9, whatever you have learned, received, or heard from me, or seen in me --- put it into practice.  The effective spiritual mentor must always lead by example.

Ways to Stop Bullying Kids

Ways to Stop Bullying Kids

Bullying is an age-old problem that has tormented schoolchildren throughout many years. Bullying behaviors must be quickly identified and adults have the responsibility to develop strategies and implement ways to stop bullying kids.  One strategy that has the potential to minimize bullying is rooted in the tradition of character education.  Character education is defined on the Wikipedia website,   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Character_education , as an umbrella term loosely used to describe the teaching of children in a manner that will help them develop as moral, civic, good, mannered, behaved, non-bullying, healthy, critical, successful, traditional, compliant, or socially acceptable beings. Notice that non-bullying behavior is a featured component of character education framework along with the inclusion of a litany of other character traits that develop positive actions. Teaching character traits and positive behaviors to children coupled with adult modeling of kindness are ways to stop bullying kids.  Character education is not a magic pill and it is a time consuming, tedious process to implement in a school setting.   YouTube videos provides a general overview of the importance of infusing character education into the learning environment and while utilizing character programs as a way to stop bullying kids with the tendency to intimidate or harass their classmates.  An introductory video on character education, “Effective Character Education Takes Time”, is found on YouTube as well as other informative links on the subject. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUVsf_IQ9RI&feature=player_embedded.  Character education instruction has the potential to impact students’ academic, social, and emotional behavior. 

           Schoolteachers, administrators, and staff members should always demonstrate appropriate actions, make sound decisions, and give good directions and advice.  Trustworthy, caring school personnel working on behalf of children can improve school culture.  The National Association of School Psychologists provided a detailed fact sheet on ways to stop bullying kids.  Although the fact sheet is comprehensive in nature, it is a general overview of various components of victimization and emphasizes ways to stop bullying kids, and the information can be obtained by visiting the website, http://www.lebanonct.org/district/lms/support_services/nasp/bullying.html .  There are research-based programs that schools can use to focus on ways to stop bullying kids. Positive Behavior Support programs can be implemented in school settings to assist with improving academic performance, behavior, and social skills. This type of program can be implemented and managed by the school administration or teachers.  There must be a committed effort by all members of the school community to reduce bullying and implement ways to stop bullying kids.

Spaghetti in A Hot Dog Bun: Having the Courage to Be Who You AreThe Juice Box Bully: Empowering Kids to Stand Up For Others