Make a Friend... Bring An End to Bullying

Technically, February 11^th is “Make a Friend Day”, but in reality any day is a great day to make a new friend!  There is limited information on who had the friendly idea to create this celebration. However, the idea is a welcome relief from the isolation and loneliness that some individuals experience nearly every day of their existence without a core group of friends. Positive friendship groups can assist in putting an end to bullying.  Friends show kindness and support when negative remarks are made by reassuring the bullied child they are in their corner.  Children of all ages experience bullying on a daily basis.  Some children feel they do not have any friends or adults to turn to when they are bullied. Many students would rather miss a day from school than face the repeated intimidation and harassment that bullies.

I think that “Make a Friend Day” should be observed in schools across the nation complete with special fun-filled activities that emphasize the importance of friendship.  People of all ages can benefit from making new friends.  Instead of talking casually with your normal group of friends, try something different.   One way to make a friend is to spend time during your lunch talking with someone you do not know and is not your friend.  

 Reaching out to a schoolmate that you do not know can build bonds across different social and cultural groups.  Just imagine how exciting it would be for a bullied classmate to experience the kindness and joy of friendship.  Participating in a “Make a Friend Day” celebration can become the start of a regularly scheduled event.  Friends provide positive support to those who are bullied. Focusing on new friendships is a way to enable everyone to experience what it is like to fit in with the “popular” kids.  Friends value each other and give support during good times and bad.  Encourage all students to make new friends and bring an end to bullying. 

As children mature into adolescence and the teenage years, friends become increasingly important in their life. Adolescence is the time that children seek independence from parents and rely upon the opinions and approval of friends.  It is crucial for your child to form positive, trustworthy friendships that will support him during hard times and celebrate his success.   Parents should take time to know and understand their children’s friends. Forming positive friendships is a great way to bring an end to bullying. Why limit “Make a Friend Day” to only once a year?  Making new friends is a wonderful way to show kindness and courtesy and help bring about an end to bullying. 

Teaching Assertiveness to Children

Teaching Assertiveness to Children

Parents, students, and school officials acknowledge that many problems associated with bullying exist in schools. There is a great deal of information regarding the behaviors and characteristics of bullies.  It is very important that adults share strategies with kids, which enable them to respond confidently and effectively.    Bullies make shrewd decisions about whom they select to bully and feel comfortable selecting a vulnerable individual.  It is sometimes difficult to speak calmly and clearly when your emotions are running high. A highly excitable, angry response fuels the bully’s continuous verbal assault. It is important to maintain a level of composure when responding to intimidation and bullying. Teaching assertiveness to children is an effective strategy to help them respond to harassment, intimidation, or bullies. Assertive communication involves speaking calmly to get your point across.  You (the speaker) must own your opinions and comments and can do so by making “I” statements. For instance, if someone says to your child, “Your shoes are ugly!” an assertive response would be to say, “I don’t think so, I like my shoes”.

 Bullied individuals are identified as potential victims because of a perceived weakness or difference. The late psychologist Clay Tucker-Ladd describes unassertiveness as weak, compliant, passive, or self-sacrificing.  In the past, it was a customary expectation that children demonstrate a compliant, self-sacrificing, or passive behavior.  The behaviors emphasized characteristics that focused on the expectation to be nice, polite, or courteous. I am not suggesting that courtesy and politeness are not valuable attributes.   Rather, I am promoting the value of teaching assertiveness to children in order to combat the ill effects of bullying and harassment.  Assertive communication is a response which a person expresses his or her thoughts and feelings in a verbal, non-blaming, respectful way (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). Assertive communication allows the victim of bullying to respond with confidence and dignity. Learning to communicate assertively is a valuable skill set for children and individuals of all ages. 

Customs have greatly evolved over the past 50 years and the expectations for behaviors of both children and adults have changed.  As adults, we know that every child is different and there is the possibility that some individuals are naturally shy, quiet, or soft-spoken.  No one person has the same likes, strengths, or challenges.   It is somewhat tricky for parents to raise a kind, respectful child who is also able to take an assertive stand against a bully. Nonetheless, assertive training might be an effective strategy to help children and individuals of all ages to respond to bullying. Parents and other caring adults must reassure children that it is appropriate to stand up and express your opinion and feelings.  Teaching children assertiveness provides strategies to stop bullying and gives kids the social courage to stand up to the Bully.

Spiritual Mentoring Guidelines

 

Spiritual Mentoring Guidelines

Spiritual mentoring describes the actions of a seasoned individual who takes a less  experienced member of the church community under her wings.  Mentoring of this kind shows  an individual the way  and encourages others to take part in a ministry or mission.  We are reminded in (1 Peter 5:4) Be examples to the flock.  Mentoring provides spiritual training, growth, and development for both the mentor and mentee.  The example of spiritual mentoring was apparent in Jesus’ role as teacher and the disciples’ role as student learners.

 A primary component of spiritual mentoring guidelines is demonstrated through positive behaviors, which show actions of the Christian way.  Proverbs: 13:20 states, He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.  Mentors and mentees share knowledge, wisdom, and support for each other. Mentoring is the practical application of assisting someone to feel confident in his or her abilities to serve.  The words found in Ecclesiastes 4: 9 – 10 state: Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work.  If one falls down, his friend can help him up, but pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Spiritual Mentoring: A Guide for Seeking and Giving DirectionThe Heart of Mentoring: Developing People to Their Fullest Potential

  It is easy for most people to identify what's right or wrong and say the right thing.  However, it is more challenging to do what is right.  The mentee or student learns by observing behaviors, actions, words, and deeds.  The Apostle Paul described his leadership style in 1 Corinthian 11:1 by saying, Follow my example as I followed the example of Christ.  A basic definition of mentoring and a description of characteristics pertinent to spiritual mentoring guidelines have been discussed on this website: http://www.iamsignificant.ca/christian-life-coaching/what-is-a-spiritual-mentor/ . 

Spiritual mentoring guidelines include an emphasis on forming respectful relationships based on honesty, compassion, and confidentiality.  The mentor should act in a trustworthy, kind, and collegial manner toward his mentee. A Biblical connection for spiritual mentoring guidelines is found in 2 Timothy 2:2 and reads as follows: And the things which thou has heard from me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.

Another important aspect of spiritual mentoring guidelines is to include opportunities for the development of mentoring relationships across various ages, gender, and groups.  According to  encouraging words found in Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron: so a man sharpened the countenance of a friend. A Christian mentor provides guidance and committed leadership for active members and potential participants in church activities.    The Apostle Paul wrote to his protégé Timothy, and expressed the importance of generational bonds by saying, do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him. This example of  spiritual mentoring guidelines emphasizes generational bonds and builds ties among members of the church community.

 Developing ties across the ages strengthens connections within the church community at large. Initiating and maintaining ties with the old and the young creates respectful loving relationships.  Spiritual mentoring guidelines are woven throughout the Bible.  A reminder of the significance of spiritual mentoring guidelines is summarized in Philippians 4:9, whatever you have learned, received, or heard from me, or seen in me --- put it into practice.  The effective spiritual mentor must always lead by example.

Ways to Stop Bullying Kids

Ways to Stop Bullying Kids

Bullying is an age-old problem that has tormented schoolchildren throughout many years. Bullying behaviors must be quickly identified and adults have the responsibility to develop strategies and implement ways to stop bullying kids.  One strategy that has the potential to minimize bullying is rooted in the tradition of character education.  Character education is defined on the Wikipedia website,   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Character_education , as an umbrella term loosely used to describe the teaching of children in a manner that will help them develop as moral, civic, good, mannered, behaved, non-bullying, healthy, critical, successful, traditional, compliant, or socially acceptable beings. Notice that non-bullying behavior is a featured component of character education framework along with the inclusion of a litany of other character traits that develop positive actions. Teaching character traits and positive behaviors to children coupled with adult modeling of kindness are ways to stop bullying kids.  Character education is not a magic pill and it is a time consuming, tedious process to implement in a school setting.   YouTube videos provides a general overview of the importance of infusing character education into the learning environment and while utilizing character programs as a way to stop bullying kids with the tendency to intimidate or harass their classmates.  An introductory video on character education, “Effective Character Education Takes Time”, is found on YouTube as well as other informative links on the subject. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUVsf_IQ9RI&feature=player_embedded.  Character education instruction has the potential to impact students’ academic, social, and emotional behavior. 

           Schoolteachers, administrators, and staff members should always demonstrate appropriate actions, make sound decisions, and give good directions and advice.  Trustworthy, caring school personnel working on behalf of children can improve school culture.  The National Association of School Psychologists provided a detailed fact sheet on ways to stop bullying kids.  Although the fact sheet is comprehensive in nature, it is a general overview of various components of victimization and emphasizes ways to stop bullying kids, and the information can be obtained by visiting the website, http://www.lebanonct.org/district/lms/support_services/nasp/bullying.html .  There are research-based programs that schools can use to focus on ways to stop bullying kids. Positive Behavior Support programs can be implemented in school settings to assist with improving academic performance, behavior, and social skills. This type of program can be implemented and managed by the school administration or teachers.  There must be a committed effort by all members of the school community to reduce bullying and implement ways to stop bullying kids.

Spaghetti in A Hot Dog Bun: Having the Courage to Be Who You AreThe Juice Box Bully: Empowering Kids to Stand Up For Others

Questions to Ask Your Child about Bullying

Questions to Ask Your Child about Bullying

      Parents and other concerned adults talk to children to make sure they are not having problems and everything is going well with them.  Questions are frequently posed to children about school, teachers, friends, and their feelings.   Bullying is an unfortunate reality that takes place in most school settings.  It is crucial for adults to be aware when bullying and other problems exist. A good starting point with your child is to ask questions to find out if he understands what bullying is.  A generally accepted definition of bullying is repetitive and intention acts of verbal, physical, social or cyber harassment.  Bullies may hit, tease, name-call, or use social isolation to intimidate their victims.  A parent should periodically ask their child questions about bullying to find out if it is occurring in their classes or school.  Pacer National Prevention Center website contains a wide variety of resources for use by parents, teachers, and students.  Information can be accessed at the following link: http://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/info-facts.asp.  

      Children will become accustomed to having casual conversations with their parents about the events that occur during their school day.  Establishing a habit of talking with your child about school will help you to detect potential problems.   A basic question to ask your child about bullying and their school day include “What happened today?”   Lunchtime is one of the prime times for bullying during the school day.  It is important to work in questions to ask your child about bullying that might be taking place in the cafeteria, hallway, and recess or on the playground.  Other questions to ask your child about bulling include, “Did you enjoy lunch today? Or which friend or friends ate lunch with you?”  These questions will help you to find out if your child is having problems socializing with other children or experiencing harassment during loosely structured time during the school day.  One of my favorite anti-bullying websites is the www.stopbullying.gov  site because it provides a researched approach to the problems associated with bullying. 

Stop Picking On Me (A First Look At Bullying)Bully

Bullying behaviors and responses are keeping pace with technology. There is a relatively new app to help parents and children understand, identify, and discuss bullying behaviors with each other.  The app is a great support mechanism to assist parents in selecting topics and questions to ask your child about bullying.  The Knowbullying app is free and can be downloaded at the following link http://store.samhsa.gov/apps/bullying/ .  This “app” is a trendy way to promote a dialog that generates questions to ask your child about bullying. Many parents and concerned adults have become familiar with the problems associated with online/cyberbullying and intimidation through a variety of social media sites. 

Social media and technology like traditional communication contains both positive and negative uses.  YouTube videos provide current and kid approved examples of brief and informative clips about questions to ask your child about bullying.Videos, which explain bullying, can be accessed through the Knowbullying app and on YouTube.  Video clips will help adults and children understand the problems associated with bullying: http://www.stopbullying.gov/videos/2014/10/things-kids-say-help-prevent-bullying.html. The goal of developing broad-based questions to ask your child about bullying is to promote early awareness and provide assistance in preventing the spread of repetitive and intentional intimidation.   Developing an arsenal of questions to ask your child about bullying is a primary prevention strategy that will help keep kids safe and secure their classrooms and schools.

Defintion of Bullying for Kids

Definition of Bullying for Kids

We all have experienced feelings of discomfort in a group setting at some point. Adults may or may not immediately understand why you felt ill at ease. Never the less, grown-ups possess the maturity to reflect on the situation and figure out what is causing a problem. Most children are eager to make new friends and enjoy talking or playing in groups. Unfortunately, kids do not always understand conflict when it occurs.  They may not readily understand the difference between a friend and a bully. Therefore, it is important to discuss a definition of bullying for kids that is simple and easily understood.  As a parent, you want to provide your child with the emotional support, which assists him or her to get through conflict with friends and classmates.  

A starting point to help your child understand the definition of bullying is providing him with a working knowledge of what it is and how bullying occurs. The Anti-bullying Alliance (ABA) www.anti-bullyingalliance.org describes the definition of bullying as the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Adults may want to simplify a definition of bullying for kids by breaking down parts of the definition into simple terms.  Repetitive and intentional hurting involves performing a mean, physical, or verbal actions or frequently making rude comments.   An example of bullying that involves physical actions includes repeatedly throwing an object or hitting someone. There are resources in various formats available to explain the definition of bullying to kids such as YouTube videos: https://youtu.be/lKz3bcFMhO. There are other examples in electronic format that can be useful in assisting adults to explain the definition of bullying to kids.

Bully Games StrategiesSchool DaysStand Up for Yourself and Your FriendsBullies, Victims & Bystanders Board Game

We all have experienced feelings of discomfort in a group setting at some point. Adults may or may not immediately understand why you felt ill at ease. Never the less, grown-ups possess the maturity to reflect on the situation and figure out what is causing a problem. Most children are eager to make new friends and enjoy talking or playing in groups. Unfortunately, kids do not always understand conflict when it occurs.  They may not readily understand the difference between a friend and a bully. Therefore, it is important to discuss a definition of bullying for kids that is simple and easily understood.  As a parent, you want to provide your child with the emotional support, which assists him or her to get through conflict with friends and classmates.   A starting point to help your child understand the definition of bullying is providing him with a working knowledge of what it is and how bullying occurs. The Anti-bullying Alliance (ABA) www.anti-bullyingalliance.org describes the definition of bullying as the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Adults may want to simplify a definition of bullying for kids by breaking down parts of the definition into simple terms.  Repetitive and intentional hurting involves performing a mean, physical, or verbal actions or frequently making rude comments.   An example of bullying that involves physical actions includes repeatedly throwing an object or hitting someone. There are resources in various formats available to explain the definition of bullying to kids such as YouTube videos: https://youtu.be/lKz3bcFMhO. There are other examples in electronic format that can be useful in assisting adults to explain the definition of bullying to kids.

Parents and other responsible adults should help kids to feel secure in their ability to report bullying when it occurs. Ask your child if there is a person who teases, hits or calls them names.  You can assess his response by following up periodically to find out if this problem frequently occurs and appears to be more than teasing.  This Pinterest link contains resources that can be used to help kids to connect as pen pals and understand the definition of bullying: https://www.pinterest.com/source/amazing-kids.org/. Bullying is a three-fold problem that involves verbal, physical, and emotional harassment.  The first two components of bullying are quickly felt and easily detected by the victim, bystanders, and onlookers. It is simple to identify when someone has said something hurtful and lashed out in a harmful physical way.   Emotional pain experienced by a victim of bullying cannot be readily seen but has the potential to be long lasting. Kids need to learn how to get along with others in social situations and parents can be there first social etiquette teachers. It is important to talk to younger children about how they are feeling inside and how mean actions hurt others too.  There is a large body of research-based information generated by the federal government, which provides a sound definition of bullying for individuals of all ages.  The stopbullying.gov website is extremely informative and contains information relevant to understanding the definition of bullying for kids:   http://www.stopbullying.gov/blog/2013/01/03/teaching-social-skills-to-prevent-bullying-in-young-children.  The problems associated with bullying should not be minimized and we must share messages that speak out against the negative effects of bullying.

How Mentoring Helps to Minimize Bullying and Why Mentoring is Important for all Ages

How Mentoring Helps Minimize Bullying and
Why Mentoring is Important for All Ages                                                                            

 

 

 

 Mentors working with youngsters can assist them with schoolwork, team or sports activities, or home issues.  Mentors act as a sounding board for individuals to share their problems, goals, and dreams. It is a great feeling to know that someone is waiting in the wings to offer you an unbiased listening ear or a caring word of support.  Mentoring serves as a support-mechanism to bolster or renew an individual’s confidence when things are not going as planned.  Throughout life there are challenging times demand perseverance.  The willingness to act as a counsel who assists an individual through “the hard times” is why mentoring is important for people of all ages.  Understanding why mentoring is important is a helpful strategy for use toward building better schools, businesses, churches and communities.    A national mentoring partnership organization “Mentor”, www.mentoring.org  gives a general overview of the benefits of mentoring.

 

Mentors who connect with others in schools and businesses help to promote academic or professional success for the mentee.  A mentor can step in to help when an individual feels shaky or unsure of their next course of action.  Everyone deserves to have a sense of belonging and acceptance. As we know, there are situations where some individuals may feel excluded, isolated, and ignored. Eliminating exclusionary feelings is another reason why mentoring is important for all ages. Bullying creates a feeling of loneliness, isolation and exclusion.   A creative and effective way to ease the pain and social isolation of bullying is to link a child with a positive, caring adult mentor.

Mentors interact with students or mentees by acting as tutors, coaches, dance or martial art instructors, and form trusting relationships while reinforcing skills. Youngsters feel comfortable interacting and communicating with their mentors who may unknowingly become the first line of support for children who are bullied. Additionally, an effective mentor may be the first adult to notice changes in the child’s behavior, appearance, or attendance that sends a warning that bullying or something negative is occurring.

Mentors who interact in the school environment serve as another set of eyes and ears to observe group interactions and behaviors.  A mentor’s presence helps to validate what is actually happening on athletic fields or at other times when children gather in large or small groups.  Matching a mentor with the child who is a bully is a powerful dose of prevention.  We often think of finding a mentor or friend for the victim but fail to consider the power of linking a bully with someone who exhibits courtesy and kindness.   A mentor has the potential to make a positive impression on the bully by demonstrating and delivering appropriate actions, corrective advice and concern. 

People need to feel the sense of belonging and this factor is why mentoring is important for all ages.  Information about mentoring for children and adolescents can be found at www.youth.gov .
 A mentor is a knowledgeable teacher, counsel, or coach who provides support for an individual's extra-curricular, personal, or professional endeavors.  A mentor supports an inexperienced person to make good decisions and choices related to work and daily life. There are many reasons why mentoring is important for people of all ages.   We have all been there --- in a place or situation where we were unsure as to how to proceed.  There are moments in life when we have felt unsure and doubted our abilities.  In addition to being the victim of bullying there are other trying and unpleasant times. Examples of difficult times might include being the new kid at school, waiting to be included in a group activity,  going away to college or starting a new job.  A mentor can assist you understanding your feelings by discussing and identifying the issues.

Mentoring is often a key component of career advancement. Female professionals may have  experienced  limited access to the benefits of mentoring.  There is a vast body of research and writing on the topics of bullying and mentoring.  Reviewing various aspects of the topics will help you to understand the importance of mentoring for all.  Mentoring is a win-win process for the victim, the bully and the dedicated adult.