Teaching Assertiveness to Children

Teaching Assertiveness to Children

Parents, students, and school officials acknowledge that many problems associated with bullying exist in schools. There is a great deal of information regarding the behaviors and characteristics of bullies.  It is very important that adults share strategies with kids, which enable them to respond confidently and effectively.    Bullies make shrewd decisions about whom they select to bully and feel comfortable selecting a vulnerable individual.  It is sometimes difficult to speak calmly and clearly when your emotions are running high. A highly excitable, angry response fuels the bully’s continuous verbal assault. It is important to maintain a level of composure when responding to intimidation and bullying. Teaching assertiveness to children is an effective strategy to help them respond to harassment, intimidation, or bullies. Assertive communication involves speaking calmly to get your point across.  You (the speaker) must own your opinions and comments and can do so by making “I” statements. For instance, if someone says to your child, “Your shoes are ugly!” an assertive response would be to say, “I don’t think so, I like my shoes”.

 Bullied individuals are identified as potential victims because of a perceived weakness or difference. The late psychologist Clay Tucker-Ladd describes unassertiveness as weak, compliant, passive, or self-sacrificing.  In the past, it was a customary expectation that children demonstrate a compliant, self-sacrificing, or passive behavior.  The behaviors emphasized characteristics that focused on the expectation to be nice, polite, or courteous. I am not suggesting that courtesy and politeness are not valuable attributes.   Rather, I am promoting the value of teaching assertiveness to children in order to combat the ill effects of bullying and harassment.  Assertive communication is a response which a person expresses his or her thoughts and feelings in a verbal, non-blaming, respectful way (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). Assertive communication allows the victim of bullying to respond with confidence and dignity. Learning to communicate assertively is a valuable skill set for children and individuals of all ages. 

Customs have greatly evolved over the past 50 years and the expectations for behaviors of both children and adults have changed.  As adults, we know that every child is different and there is the possibility that some individuals are naturally shy, quiet, or soft-spoken.  No one person has the same likes, strengths, or challenges.   It is somewhat tricky for parents to raise a kind, respectful child who is also able to take an assertive stand against a bully. Nonetheless, assertive training might be an effective strategy to help children and individuals of all ages to respond to bullying. Parents and other caring adults must reassure children that it is appropriate to stand up and express your opinion and feelings.  Teaching children assertiveness provides strategies to stop bullying and gives kids the social courage to stand up to the Bully.